My Brief Incarceration at Catholic School.

When I was in first grade, about six years old, I came home from St Joseph's elementary school (AKA The Atheist Factory) and asked, "Mom, what does ‘strewn' mean?"

Somewhat surprised, she replied "It means ‘spread around.'"

"Oh," I said. "That makes sense."

"Why do you ask?"

"Sister Rosemary used it."

"Was that a vocabulary word?" mom asked, thinking that was a pretty advanced word for six year olds.

"No. She said that if we didn't quiet down, there would be dead bodies strewn all around the room, and when the police showed up, they'd say ‘Sister Rosemary, we understand'."

I went to second grade in  public school.

This week on "Ask A Clergyman:"

Dear Catholic Bishops,

OK, what the fuck?  Why the contraception hate? You do realize that 98% of American Catholics use some form of contraception, right?

Apart from the fact that you really should be barred from discussing morality at all after your multigenerational coverup of child abuse, what could possibly be wrong with contraception? 

I can say, quite comfortably, that I have had all the kids I want in this life. I can also say that I certainly haven't had all the sex I want.  In fact, if I had to list modern advances I would keep after the collapse of civilization, contraception would come pretty high on the list. Probably right after safe drinking water.

And, let's be honest (which I realize goes against your training) but what do you hate more, abortion or contraception?  Because safe, cheap, educated access to the second dramatically reduces the need for the first.